A Reward or a Bribe?

It has been a long time since I last wrote as I have been struggling with some (to save you my long rambling speech) parenting stuff, work stuff, and family stuff. And to be honest, I'm not sure what to write here as I have not produced any new Cantonese materials. Not that I have given up on my Cantonese efforts, but I have been relying on my old materials and the many Chinese books and CDs and DVDs we have. But it just doesn't feel right to abandon this blog. As there are many parents of small children here, I thought why not share the reward system I have recently implemented for my daughter.

I have been debating for a while whether to use a sticker reward chart as I feel that I shouldn't have to bribe my child for something she is expected to do. But since it has been such a struggle with all her smart mouthing and back talking, I have decided to give sticker charts a try (together with our usual naughty step) in a hope to encourage respectful behaviour. So the sticker chart works as a good cop, while the naughty step a bad cop.

Here are a few tips on how to use the sticker reward chart:

1. Clearly state the targeted behaviour(s).

I know there are many child behaviours a parent may like to target, but it would be unclear and overwhelming to a child if we try to change them all at once. So before implementing the reward system, you need to identify just a few behaviours to target on and use the sticker chart for those behaviours only. Then clearly explain to your child what the targeted behaviours are.

2. Identify the best motivation (prize).

It's important to find a prize that motivates your child the most. Some experts suggested to let the child choose the prize before implementation so they are motivated to work toward it. But something about getting my daughter another toy just doesn't sit right with me. Since my daughter is never very attached to any of her toys and she seems to be the happiest camper when she spends time with us (without the little brother), I have decided to make the prize a surprise "Olivia day" - i.e. she knows she will do something special with daddy and mommy only. The "surprise" element really did the trick for my daughter as she is so excited.

We sometimes tease her by listing out all the potential activities - well, to tease her and to set the expectation. My husband and I will have a pretend conversation at the dining table, while my daughter is playing in the living room. "Mama, what should we do when Olivia gets 10 stickers?" "Oooooooh, maybe to the zoo, or to that amazing park..." My daughter usually just drops whatever she's doing and joins the conversation. She sometimes gives suggestions too, which can be helpful if you're looking for ideas.

3. Make it a big deal!

Instead of giving a sticker at the time of the sticker-worthy behaviour, we have decided to have a reflection moment before bed. So after the bed time story, I will ask my daughter to reflect on her day. Did she smart mouth? Did she back talk? (Make sure you warn her of those behaviours when you witness them throughout the day...it's difficult to reflect if she doesn't know she did something wrong) It's important to make this a positive reflection. Even when your child did not achieve the targeted behaviour, focus on the positive - be your child's cheerleader and find ways to make it work tomorrow! And when the targeted behaviours are achieved, give a sticker and make a big deal out of it. Many hugs and kisses and well done's!

So here are a couple free, printable sticker reward charts for you! Get your child to choose their favourite theme and write his/her name in the little box on the top right.