A Setback in My Multilingual Parenting Journey
Many bilingual or multilingual parenting experts have prepared me that my child will eventually refuse to answer back in the target language. But they never prepared me for this. Two weeks ago when we started our Cantonese time, my 4 year old daughter said,
"Mommy, I don't want Cantonese today."
She didn't want to speak Cantonese and she didn't want me to speak Cantonese either. She just wanted no Cantonese. I felt a huge rush of emotions at that moment and it took me a minute to compose myself before asking her why. Her answer was simple - she was tired. Of course she's tired. She started school a few months ago and has picked up a lot of new skills over this short period of time already. On top of that, she also has to get used to the new routine, new school environment, and new friends. So we skipped Cantonese that day and had lots of cuddles instead.
But skipping Cantonese every time she's tired just won't work. I have been struggling to find time for the target language already due to my work and my daughter starting school. I've been realistic and have finally made peace with the fact that she may only have passive understanding of Cantonese. I'm not willing to give up Cantonese just yet. So I've put my thinking cap on and got a new game plan together.
1. When she asks to be excused from the Cantonese activities, I continue the activities with her little brother. So she can choose to play on her own or join us. I would act really silly to make the little brother giggle throughout the activities. The last couple times she eventually joined us after seeing how much fun we had.
2. Rephrasing what she said in Cantonese has always been useful in introducing new words or phrases, and I'm doing this even more often now. If she's in a good mood, I would even try to ask her to repeat without coercing her. It's not as easy as it may sound because my patience and persistence have been seriously tested here.
3. When she eventually joins us for Cantonese time, I try to focus on the easy stuff that she already knows. And I praise her for remembering a word or for correct pronunciation...or even just for understanding and following my instructions. Just praise, praise, and praise some more. This boosts her confidence and hence encourages her to continue her efforts in the target language. Compliments go a long way!
4. My daughter normally gets a 30-minute screen time in the early evening so I can cook. As much as I hate to, i am allowing extra screen time - in condition that she watches Cantonese cartoon with me during this time. I find it important to be watching the cartoon with her in order to address new words and answer any questions she may have on the story line. And this also allows extra cuddle time that we both enjoy (and need!).
5. And sometimes I'll replace the early evening screen time with Skype calls with the grandparents. As she knows the grandparents only understand Cantonese, this creates a need for her to use the language. Normally I'll ask her to call so she can show the grandparents crafts she's made at school that day, or how she skips a rope, etc. It's important for her to want to make that call herself so she does not see it as a chore nor have negative attitudes towards the call or the grandparents.
6. Last but not least, I try to encourage quiet time whenever I can. Just one hour in her room seems to do the trick already. So I let her choose a quiet time activity to bring with her to the room. If you think you can inject some Cantonese exposure time here, think again! I play a Cantonese nursery rhyme CD in her room as background noise - and it also acts as a timer. The CD lasts for about an hour, so she knows she can come back downstairs when the CD finishes.
As Tony Robbins said, "Stay committed to your decisions; but stay flexible in your approach." This multilingual parenting journey has been hard and requires extra creativity, flexibility, patience, and persistence. But with playful yet consistent encouragement, I hope my kids will embrace the Cantonese language soon.
What do you do when your child refuses to use the target language?
